


Bad Blood

by AthenaScarlet



Category: The Office (US), The X-Files
Genre: Bats, Crossover, Gen, Vampires
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-15
Updated: 2014-07-15
Packaged: 2018-02-09 00:51:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,211
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1962732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AthenaScarlet/pseuds/AthenaScarlet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What would happen if Dwight reported Jim's vampirism to the FBI? Agents Mulder and Scully are about to find out.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bad Blood

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on [More Than That](http://mtt.just-once.net/fanfiction/) (Jam-specific Office fan site) in April 2007 under my other pen name, sharky. The story takes place in The Office universe right after the season 3 episode Business School. The title is based on the episode from season 5 of The X-Files called Bad Blood, which was about vampires with Luke Wilson as a guest star.

Jim looked up at Dwight's desk and smiled. Last week, he convinced Dwight that he was turning into a vampire. This week, Dwight still had a wooden stake next to his desk, but Jim was a little surprised that he went to go get coffee without taking it. _Only prepared some of the time, huh, Dwight?_  
  
The office door opened behind him and he turned his head to see a man and woman walking in. He didn't recognize them as clients and frankly, they seemed a bit uptight in their dark suits to be from Scranton.  
  
"Excuse me, we're looking for Dwight Schrute."  
  
Pam looked up from her desk and seemed to be flustered by the man at first before smiling at him. She turned towards Dwight's desk to see it empty and Jim caught a quick glance from her before looking back to the guests. "I'm sorry, he's away from his desk," she explained. "Can I help you instead?"  
  
The man pulled out a small leather case from his pocket and Jim watched the redhead next to him do the same. "We're Agents Mulder and Scully of the FBI," the man said, flashing his badge to Pam.  
  
Pam gave Jim a look of shock. _Oh crap_ , he thought. _What did Dwight do this time?_  
  
"Umm..." Pam stammered, looking back at Agent Mulder. "I um...I'm sure he just stepped away for a moment."  
  
"That's OK. We can wait," said the redhead with a bit of impatience in her voice.  
  
"Would you like some jelly beans while you wait?"  
  
"No thanks. I'm more of a sunflower seed kind of guy."  
  
"Oh," Pam said.  
  
"They're actually really pretty healthy for you. Did you know..."  
  
"Mulder." Scully cut him off and nodded her head toward the couch.  
  
Mulder gave Pam a warm smile and she blushed, ducking her head a bit in embarrassment.  
  
Jim turned back to his desk just in time to see Dwight walking out of the bathroom.  
  
"Agent Mulder?" Pam said sweetly. "That's Dwight Schrute."  
  
"Thanks," the agent replied. "And I'm sorry, I didn't catch your name."  
  
"Pam."  
  
"Pam. Thanks so much for your help."  
  
Jim was about to puke from the sweetness of it all and by the look on Agent Scully's face, she was about to do the same.  
  
"Mr. Schrute?"  
  
Dwight looked up to see the two dark suits standing in front of him.  
  
"I'm Agent Mulder of the FBI. This is my partner, Agent Scully." They flashed their badges again. "We'd like to ask you a few questions."  
  
By now, every office employee was watching Dwight, who was watching Jim. Jim gave him a menacing look back that he hoped said _Don't drag me into this mess of yours_.  
  
Dwight slowly ushered the agents into the conference room and closed the door. Jim watched them talking, but couldn't take the suspense anymore and quickly got up and walked over to reception. He and Pam weren't on the best of speaking terms, but he couldn't resist not talking to her about this.  
  
"OK, what is going on with Dwight and the FBI?"  
  
"I don't know," she said, smiling a bit. "That Agent Mulder is kind of cute though."  
  
"Are you serious? The guy probably has no life and sleeps on his couch or something."  
  
"Jim! You shouldn't say that about federal agents. Oh, Michael!" Pam said as her boss walked in the door. "Um...Dwight is in the conference room with the FBI."  
  
A look of horror spread across Michael's face. "The what?"  
  
"FBI agents. They're in the conference room."  
  
Michael's forehead began to sweat profusely. "What are they here about?" he whispered loudly.  
  
"We don't know," Jim said, turning to his boss. "Is there something you need to tell us?"  
  
He nervously looked from Jim to Pam and back again. "Um...no. No, there's...nothing. Um...they wouldn't send the FBI to investigate you if you had sex with your girlfriend in a public place, would they?"  
  
Jim gave him a quizzical look. "You had sex with...you know what? I don't want to know."  
  
"Excuse me, Jim Halpert?" Agent Scully was standing behind him. "Can we have a word with you?"  
  
"Um...yeah. Sure." _Oh crap_.  
  
*** *** ***  
  
"Dammit, Jim!"  
  
Usually, Jim loved getting this reaction from Dwight, but not today with the FBI breathing down his throat.  
  
"A prank?" said Mulder.  
  
"Yeah."  


"The vampire thing was all a prank?" Agent Mulder started to smile at him. "That is...genius!"  
  
"Mulder," Agent Scully replied, frustration in her voice.  
  
"What?"  
  
She rolled her eyes at her partner. "I have to go call Skinner," she said, walking out of the room.  
  
Jim watched her leave, noticing the way her business suit seemed so tailored for her body. He wished Karen would wear suits like that. The ones she wore were a bit too tight and didn't flatter her very well.  
  
"So...Dwight? Jim? What other pranks have you pulled here?" he heard Mulder say.  
  
"I don't pull pranks. I find them juvenile and childish. Jim pulls all the pranks and that obviously gets him in trouble."  
  
Jim looked down sheepishly at his hands.  
  
"What kind of pranks, Jim?" Agent Mulder asked.  
  
"What kind?" he asked.  
  
Mulder smiled at him. "Yeah. Give me an example."  
  
"Um..." Jim didn't know if it was a good idea to be admitting some of his pranks to the FBI, but then decided it was better to tell the truth than lie to a federal agent. "I put Dwight's stapler in Jell-O. Several times."  
  
"Really?" Agent Mulder said as he took notes. "How do you do that exactly?"  
  
Jim started to get excited. It was his favorite prank to explain. "You have to follow the Jell-O Jigglers recipe when you make the batch or else it'll be too runny and it won't work."  
  
There was a knock on the door and all three men turned their heads at the sound.  
  
"Agent Mulder?" Pam said apprehensively. "I had to buy more candy for our dish and picked up some sunflower seeds for you."  
  
He smiled as he took them from her hand. "That was so nice of you. Thanks!"  
  
Pam was blushing and Jim knew exactly why. He had bought an economy jug of Jelly Bellys two weeks ago at Costco for her. There was no way she was even close to running low.  
  
"It's Pam, right?" Mulder asked.  
  
Pam beamed. "Yes!" she said, a little too enthusiastically for Jim's taste.  
  
"Can you get me some sharpened pencils, Pam?"  
  
Pam looked down at her feet, the blush still in her cheeks. "Do you need something fancy like colored pencils?"  
  
"Oh no," Mulder said. "No. 2 pencils are fine."  
  
Pam left the room with a bit of a spring to her step and came back quickly with the pencils in hand.  
  
"Thanks, Pam," he said, taking them from her. She turned to go and he stopped her in the doorway. "Oh, is my partner out there?"  
  
Pam bit her lip and looked out at her desk. "She's sitting on the couch talking on her cell phone."  
  
"Great," he replied. "Thanks so much."  
  
"No problem!" Pam said as she smiled at Mulder. "If you need anything else, you know where to find me."  
  
"I do indeed," Mulder said cheerfully.  
  
"I'm just sitting behind the reception desk...over there," she said.  
  
Mulder smiled at her. "I'll make sure to stop by before I leave."  
  
She smiled back and closed the door behind her. Mulder leaned back a bit in his chair as he watched her go, his eyes almost level with her ass. Jim couldn't believe she was flirting with the G-Man.  
  
"OK, so here we go," Mulder said, snapping back to reality. "What you do is take the pencil and toss it," he said, throwing the pencil, sharpened side up, into the ceiling tile.  
  
"Cool," Jim replied.  
  
"This is damaging company property!" Dwight said in the business tone Jim had come to loathe.  
  
Mulder looked at him. "It's OK," he said, pulling out his badge again to show it off. "As a federal agent of the United States government, I give you permission to do so."  
  
*** *** ***  
  
For the next twenty minutes, the three men continued to throw pencils up in the air, hoping they were sending them up with enough force to get them stuck in the ceiling tiles. As Mulder explained the finer points of the Pencil Throw, Jim thought about the rules he would need to make if they decided to do this for the next Office Olympics.  
  
Then Dwight started talking about his beets and Mulder went on explaining the finer points of alien abduction. It got a bit boring and Jim zoned out, hearing only the occasional "government conspiracy" or "alein-human hybrids" as he threw more pencils at the ceiling tiles.  
  
"Mulder!" Scully yelled from the doorway as all three men snapped their heads at her voice. "What are you doing?"  
  
"Nothing," Mulder said innocently.  
  
"Yeah, nothing," Dwight replied.  
  
"I don't remember doing anything," Jim said. A pencil fell in his lap. Then another crashed into his head. _Dammit._ Mulder was right. If he had thrown it a bit harder, it would have stuck. Jim looked up sheepishly at Scully and saw a smile forming at the edge of her lips before she quickly regained her composure.  
  
"Mulder, I talked to Skinner and he wants us back at headquarters. Something about a secretary from Wisconsin showing up randomly in her underwear in a small town in Nebraska."  
  
"Really?" Mulder said, his eyebrows perking up as he glanced at Jim from across the table. "I wonder if Pam has ever been to Nebraska."  
  
In his mind, Jim had a flash of what Pam would look like in her underwear before quickly snapping out of it. _You're dating Scully_ , he thought. _No, no, you're dating Karen. Karen is your girlfriend. Not Pam. Not Scully. Her name is Karen._  
  
"It's time to go, Mulder," his partner said in an exasperated tone. "I already had some creepy Michael guy tell me I have nice hair and he wants to cut a piece off so his girlfriend's hair can match mine."  
  
"Jan?" Dwight asked. "You should consider yourself lucky to have Michael think of you as highly as Jan."  
  
Scully and Jim stared at him in disbelief. "Sure. Fine. Whatever," she said before turning to walk out.  
  
Jim followed the agents into the office and politely helped Scully get her coat on. What wasn't polite was staring down the receptionist's blouse, which he noticed Mulder doing as he said goodbye to Pam. She seemed to notice too, but made no move to be modest. In fact, Jim saw her lean over more to give Agent Mulder a better view.  
  
"It was nice meeting you two," she said, focusing only on Mulder. "If you're ever in town again..."  
  
Scully gave Jim a look of frustration. "Let's go, Mulder."  
  
*** *** ***  
  
"So can I ask you something?" Scully said as Jim walked her to the agents' rental car.  
  
"You mean you haven't asked me enough questions today?" he joked.  
  
She smiled and asked, "Are you dating the receptionist?"  
  
Jim stopped in his tracks. "The recep...you mean Pam?"  
  
"Yeah. You just looked at her a certain way when we left and..."  
  
"Oh, I'm not dating Pam. Um...I'm actually dating that girl, Karen? The brunette?"  
  
"I don't think I met her."  
  
"That's OK," Jim said. "Um...there isn't anything between you and...him?"  
  
"Agent Mulder?" she asked, a bit surprised. "We're just partners...in the FBI. FBI partners."  
  
"Oh...yeah...sure. That's totally what I thought," Jim stammered, "because it seemed like he was flirting with Pam or...yeah."  
  
"Hey, Halpert!" Scully and Jim turned to see Mulder opening the door of the rental car. "Thanks for the stapler in Jell-O idea!"  
  
"No problem!" he said before turning back to smile at the G-Woman. "I am SO sorry for that."  
  
She smiled back. "It's OK. It'll keep him occupied from talking about aliens."  
  
Jim and Scully walked over to the car and he opened the passenger door for her. "It was nice meeting you, Jim," she said, shaking his hand.  
  
"You, too," he replied.  
  
"And think about cutting back on the pranks. I don't think the FBI will pay for another trip up here."  
  
He laughed a little. "I'll try," he said, smiling at the redhead.  
  
He closed the door for her and stood with Dwight as Mulder backed out of the parking space. "Oh, and Dwight?" Mulder called out from his open car window. "I'll send you a copy of The Lone Gunmen newsletter. The cover story this month is about the government's genetically engineered vegetable crops."  
  
"Thank you very much, Agent Mulder," Dwight responded as Jim and Scully stared at each other in disbelief of the whole thing.  
  
Dwight and Jim watched the agents drive away before walking back to the building together in silence. It wasn't until they got on the elevator that Jim finally turned to him and said, "That redhead was kind of attractive, wasn't she?"  
  
"I prefer blonds," Dwight said matter-of-factly.  
  
"Right," Jim responded sarcastically.  
  
"And you're dating Karen."  
  
Jim took a deep breath and exhaled loudly as the elevator doors opened on the Dunder-Mifflin floor. "Right."  



End file.
